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July 28, 2012 / mashappiness

skip the rules

It seems that there are more and more areas where ladies are given advice in connection to dating. It’s seems like there is advice everywhere; television, social media, books…

That said, I find it frustrating some of the advice given. So much of it I disagree with, with all do respect. I hope that we can disagree amicably.

I honestly don’t watch the television show Miss Advised. I’ve passed it a few times on television and find that I cannot connect with it. When I come across some of the advice in cyber world, I thought I’d make a comment. If you find these comments helpful, wonderful really. If you don’t then… not for you you. I totally get  that. In the article there are 8 points of advice. I’ll try to address each one separately in different posts.

For the first, I’d like to offer an alternative perspective. The article states that:

Don’t contact him or ask him out.  Women should never initiate.  Until you become officially boyfriend and girlfriend, sit back and let him come to you for the first text or call, always.  Once you start initiating, it sends the message that the guy doesn’t have to do the work and he’ll let you be the one to be in charge of contacting him and will soon lose interest. Never ask him out – even if he contacts you, but hasn’t yet actually suggested a date. As frustrating as that may be, sit back and make him do the legwork.  If he wants to see you, he’ll have to properly ask.

In my opinion, it depends on what you want. With approaches like this we also have to think about what kind of person we want to be in relationship with, and what kind of relationship. I am guessing if you follow the rules there is a possibility that you will get a relationship. If that is enough then we can stop here.

But, if you would like to be able to not play games and connect with someone in a genuine and meaningful way, why play games. This is how it works. If a guy or girl,  is interested, you will know somehow. You begin to talk, you begin to enjoy yourself, conversation turns into meeting for coffee, coffee turns into… the wonderful part is finding out where it leads.

It does not matter who asks who, as long as you can meet and enjoy one another. Someone who is not willing to ‘do the work’ without you playing games, or figuring out strategic ways of behavior, in connection to enjoying your company may not be the guy for you.

Really, keep it natural, be honest and sincere, as we want in life someone who can connect with who we are, not who we pretend to be…

If you are interested, be sincere in your kindness and friendship and ask easily to meet for coffee… or something light and see what’s in the air. No need trying to trick someone into being with you, or working hard to figure out how to see him. If you ask, or if he asks, it does not matter… people who like each other find a way… but it should be mutual…

the article which inspires these writings can be found here…

One last point…

I know of couples where one person was interested and the other not. The interested half thought of ways to try and figure out how to get her to go out with him and with time they fell in love. The difference here, still, is that the person not interested did not play games. The key is not to play games, just be who you are genuinely and see how it unfolds…

Do remember to have fun… being sweet on someone should be fun…

by audrey paradis

above photo from

One Comment

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  1. Alfred R. Richardson / Jan 18 2013 11:50 am

    Some women are guarded because they have been hurt by an ex-boyfriend, or may have been quickly dumped once a man was able to attract her and get her interested. For these men, they’re playing the “Can I get her?” game and once they do, they lose interest. It might also be that while a man has never showed this type of behavior to her, her friends have been the victim of some man playing these types of games and she wants to make sure it doesn’t happen to her. So, some women will actively shield themselves from being hurt by making sure that you aren’t just playing with them. She wants to know that he is truly interested in a possible relationship, so she guards herself and makes him prove himself extensively before giving in.

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